Paradox
by Smallville is fun
Summary: Before, during, and after the Lexana kiss in Reckoning. I edited this and decided to repost it. Reviews welcomed with open arms.


Before, during, and after the Lexana kiss in "Reckoning".

LANA:

"I don't understand," I said, looking up at Lex. "Why would you lie to someone you love?" We both know I'm talking about Clark.

I love Clark, but I can't deal with this anymore. I wanted so much for him to just come clean. I wanted him to show me he loved me and trusted me enough to stop lying. All the patience, the encouraging...it's amounted to nothing.

And all the times I've come to Lex's, upset. Clark doesn't trust me, he lies to me. Lex doesn't.

Lex puts his hand on my shoulder. "I wouldn't," he says. No, he's really saying, _I _wouldn't. I wouldn't be like Clark. I would tell you my secrets. I would trust you. I would give you what you want, Lana, what you deserve.

And I know it's true.

He tucks stray hair behind my ears. I know he's about to kiss me. But I don't pull away.

When he does, I let it linger for a just a sweet, scotch-flavored moment. I push him away. Maybe I want this, but not now. Not when it's so late, and Lex is drunk, and I'm not thinking clearly.

"Lana, I'm so sorry" he says regretfully. He's worried about hurting me.

"It's OK, I'm just going to...go," I say. I'm confused, I want to stay, I can't.

I hear the scotch and glass burning, and I know he's coming after me. Which is good, because he's something I'm not sure I want to leave behind.

I'm driving away from Lex's mansion, I'm on Route 40. Lex is everything Clark is not.

I'm trapped, caught between two extremes.

My cell phone rings, and I know before I look that it's Lex. I see his silver car behind me, chasing me. Silver is so threatening.

He catches up to me. "Lana, please, can't we talk about this...LANA, WATCH OUT!"

I let out a sob as a bus nearly hits me.

Before I know it, I'm out of the car, staring after the bus, and picturing my blood on the ground, on my face, on Clark's hand.

Lex puts a hand on my arm. After all that we've been through tonight, it still comforts me.

"Lana...are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Lex. I...I have to go."

"Lana, I'm sorry" he says. His face tells me he wishes he could take away my pain, my shock.

Gazing past him, I see Jonathan Kent. Senator Jonathan Kent. He's driving past us in the big blue farm truck, looking disappointed. Maybe Lex sees him too. And then he's gone. _What the hell?_

"Let's just forget it ever happened," I say lamely. As if that's ever going to happen.

I walk away from Lex Luthor for the second time tonight, and for the second time tonight, I wish that I wasn't.

LEX:

"I don't understand," she says, looking up at me. "Why would you lie to someone you love?"

She's talking about Clark.

Clark and I used to be friends. When others doubted me, he defended me. I remember the look of hurt on his face when he found out they'd been right. But the friendship could have never lasted anyway, because he had something I wanted.

Lana still loved Clark. But how long can you love someone if you know they don't trust you?

"I wouldn't," I say. I put my hand on her shoulder and brush a bunch of hair behind her ear. She knows I'm about to kiss her, and she doesn't move.

When I do, she gives in, briefly, but then she shoves me away.

I've scared her. I'm going too fast.

"Lana, I'm so sorry," I say, mildly surprised to find I mean it. I love her, of course I mean it.

"It's OK, I'm just going to...go," she says. She walks out the door.

No. No. No. No.

I hurl the glass, scotch and all, into the fireplace. There's a brief inferno, and I know, somehow, that she's heard it.

The feeling I get every time she walks away, the feeling of loneliness and wanting to make her come back, takes over in a new, powerful way.

I act on my impulses.

I'm driving away from the mansion. I'm on Route 40. Lana is everything.

I'm a willing prisoner of my own emotions.

I try to call her, but she won't pick up. I see her red car in front of me, running away from me.

I catch up to her. "Lana, please, can't we talk about this...LANA, WATCH OUT!"

She slams on her brakes. A school bus almost hits her. Lana gets out of her car, staring after the bus.

I nearly knock myself out trying to get to her.

"Lana...are you all right?" I put my hand on her arm, and she doesn't move away. Is that an act of numbness or trust?

"I'm fine, Lex. I have to go."

She's not fine, but she doesn't need this right now.

"Lana, I'm sorry." I want to take away her pain, her shock. I would suffer for her if I could. I want to prove that I love her.

I hear a car pass, but I don't spare it a glance. Lana gazes into the distance, her eyes blank but not really blank.

"Let's just forget it ever happened," she says.

Like that's ever going to happen.

She walks away from me, again.

I don't act on my impulses.

FIN


End file.
